An Icing Recipe

This icing recipe is the base of all icings. It crusts well and can be thick, medium or thin. We use it to build the dam to hold filling in, inbetween the layers, we use it to crumb coat, we use it for creating shell borders and other borders, and we use it to make flowers. Like our specialty, the roses. Icing roses are very sexy, like me. Shut your suck! Ok, you got me, I’m fucking ugly!

2 Cups of High Ratio Shortening. Crisco doesn’t have Trans Fats anymore and because this is cake we are making, we need the fat. If you can’t find high ratio shortening, get the generic vegetable shortening that is sold at your local grocer.

2 teaspoons of Vanilla extract.

4 tablespoons of water.

2 pounds of confectioners sugar.

2 tablespoons of Meringue powder.

Put it all in a mixer and flip the switch on HIGH. Just fucking with you! Put it on the lowest setting. If you did throw it on high, you’ll never do that again!

Mix it up for a few minutes, if you need to, turn the mixer off and scrape the sides and bottom of the mixing bowl and then continue mixing.

There are a few levels of consistency. Stiff, Medium and Thin. The recipe above is for stiff consistency which is perfect for putting a dam in the cake, crumb coating or dirty icing the cake, and making flowers like roses and shit. We also use the stiff consistency for piping borders.

To make a medium consistency, Add 2 teaspoons to the above recipe. medium consistency is perfect for flat flowers and drawing shit like faces on your cake.

To make a thin icing, take the original recipe and add 4 teaspoons. Perfect for writing and drawing vines and leaves.

So, in normal English, make the original recipe, it spits out stiff icing. Add 2 teaspoons of water, it will be medium, add 2 more teaspoons, it will be thin.

FYI, I keep a squirt bottle of water and a small container of confectioners sugar in my toolkit so I can adjust my icing as needed. Its good to be able to adapt and overcome as required.

The end result can be stored almost indefinitely in plastic sealable containers. There is nothing in this recipe that goes bad. I personally throw any icing I haven’t used in 6 months away. I just don’t like having it around.

To color this icing recipe, use the gel food coloring, dipping the tip of a toothpick into the gel and wiping it on the icing. NEVER reuse the toothpick, you will contaminate your gel food coloring. Do a toothpick at a time until the desired color is reached.

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